When You Go to the Spa You Take Everyone With You

by Alvard Petten May 15, 2024

When You Go to the Spa You Take Everyone With You

Two buddies and relationship consultants, we have spent years studying and then writing about a phenomenon we knew only too well. Just like our heavy purses, we women carry everyone inside of ourselves. Women naturally care for people in their life. Visceral and beautiful, it’s a real thing. You think we are kidding about how much you care naturally for others?

Try This Exercise

Take a moment to write down the names of people or pets that you love and care for. Write down the name of each person or pet, besides the ways in which you take care of them.

Actions of Care (eg cooking, errands, shopping, cleaning, helping with homework, driving someone somewhere, planning vacations/holidays, activities, volunteering).
Words of Care (eg appreciation, support or encouragement).
Thoughtful Gifts (gifts that are meaningful to the another person).
Doing something fun together or just hanging out.
Comforting touch with permission (eg such as hugs, cuddles, arm around shoulder)
Listening with compassion to feelings and thoughts (without advice or solutions).
Stopping to give your undivided attention (even when you have a lot on the go).
Solving problems together (sharing creative ideas and possibilities).
Others (feel free to add your ways of caring for others).


Take a deep breath, put a hand on your list and a hand on your heart and appreciate you for all that you are and all that you do for those you love. Thank yourself for your caring. Now take a moment......imagine breathing in through your heart and breathing out through your lovely heart.


As you imprint all these people’s lives, the pulse of you touches the pulse of them. Energies are contagious. Perhaps self care marketing misses the mark. Women have been encouraged to stop and care for ourselves as if it is an either or. It’s a both.


For the sake of all those you care about, it’s important to celebrate those moments you carve out for you that soothe you, revive you, inspire you. Every single time you glorify your body with a treatment, infuse an oil that wakes up your healing self or give your hardworking muscles a massage, you make your nervous system safe. When you percolate at safe everyone benefits. When you care for you and replenish your bones and spirit, gorgeous rays of shininess pour out of you. You can’t make someone else safe too, but your calming presence holds a space for them to be their best shiny selves. Go to the Spa. For everybody’s sake!


Guest Writers

Lynda Rees and Leslie Gillespie Co-Founders of ReeGill and Co-Authors of the upcoming book I Thought it Would be Different with a New Purse, Shed Stress, Drop Guilt and Care for Yourself While Caring for Others


Alvard Petten
Alvard Petten


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